he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
