PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
