I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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