You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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