Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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