Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we made out on top of his cat.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
