i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
