You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
