you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why can't burritos get me drunk
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
