My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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