Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
