I didn't shave. On purpose
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
