Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
