epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
