I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
