So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
