oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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