Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
