Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
