i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
