dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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