He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
