I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
