me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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