Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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