i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize