The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
