Got a toothbrush?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
