Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
