I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Welp...herpes.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
