she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
