Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
