oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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