If i could tip my vagina, i would.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
