I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
