I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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