Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
