i permit you to call me
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
