your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
