A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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