ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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