The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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