How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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