yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
