How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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