So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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