She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
