and i looked up. we had an audience...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
