if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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