Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
