I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize