kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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