I saw his package. It spoke to me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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