DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
