I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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