By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize