i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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