she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
