i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
