You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
