whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
