I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She told me I should be a condom model.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
