Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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