where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
