we have officially lost it.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
