Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
