just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
