My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
