Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
