Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
