Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
