Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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