i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
