I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
