He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
